2. Daffyd is a horny young man who spends a lot of time wondering what chicks look like with their clothes off, or in the case of Annie reminding himself what a nice rack she has sans bra. I realize that, compared to the existence of a book which grants the power to cause women to let you fuck them up the ass, this is highly implausible, but perhaps we can suspend our disbelief here.
Well i don't see it as an issue of plausibility at all, I see it as an issue of aesthetics. As I said before it denies suspense. I mean I can totally relate to Daffyd's character 100%, I want to find out what these women look like naked, but it kind of spoils it that he somehow already knows EXACTLY what every woman around him looks like naked. Sort of like if someone told you what all your presents are going to be on Christmas morning minutes before you got a chance to open them. I Just didn't think it added anything to the story. I mean the guy's already living a fantasy what's the point of him fantasizing? It's like if Frodo, Aragorn, and Gandalf took a break from their quest for the ring so they could go LARPing.
I did like what was done in the first scene with Tari. The POV shot of her cleavage on the first page, the segmented POV on the first page giving the impression that he's looking her up and down. It teases, it titillates, it builds suspense for the story, and it tells the reader a lot about the protagonist.
Now I also acknowledge that as a work of erotica (is it safe to use the "P" word here?) there is a responsibility on the part of the author to come through with the goods, so to speak. I mean I like seeing naked ladies and as many as possible, but I'm more intrigued by the context.
Okay I know it probably sounds like I'm coming down pretty hard on the story, but I'm a grad student, it's kinda what we do.
